Running Diary, Penn State-Notre Dame. Part IV

Note: This is the fourth and final installment of this weekend's feature, a running diary of the Penn State-Notre Dame experience from our Foxy Correspondent on the ground in State College.

Still Saturday, September 8
12:43 pm: It's a good thing I packed my Colin Cowherd koozie this morning. I vow to drink every beverage that touches my lips with my hands warm and cozy (koozie). Special thanks to the Herd

1:57 pm: I just started watching the WVU and Marshall game. WHY IS PAM WARD DOING A CRAPPY BIG EAST GAME?! SHE SHOULD BE DOING A CRAPPY BIG 10 GAME...NOOOO!

1:59 pm: I have been informed that the Gopper (a restaurant that made many a delivery to my apartment) was busted this summer for a drug ring. This is crushing news.

2:16 pm: I am now walking up to the stadium to commence tailgating.

2:20 pm: Girl with shirt that says "Notre Dame Sucks....Just ask God" just walked by me. I'd like to congratulate Penn State fans on coming up with very hilarious tees for this weekend.

...tailgating commences....

3:11 pm: I have finally found someone to fill my Colin Cowherd koozie with a beer. Hooray beer!

3:21 pm: Just talked smack to a ND fan. He actually said "at least we went to a BCS bowl" to which I responded, "Yeah, I wish we could have [been embarassed] by LSU with all of America watching." He turned away before I could get in a comment about how that did not bode well for Brady Quinn and his hair gel during the draft.

4:05 pm: Am I seriously drinking a Busch Light?

4:30 pm: I guess when this many people are accessing the two cell towers in State College phones are bound to malfunction. This means that I am waiting at the gate for my friends who actually got tickets and am going to have to find them the old fashioned way. I have about given up when I randomly find a group of girls that I know who are looking for the same group I am. We decide to just go in and being girls we had to immediately use the facilities. We walked out of the restroom and lo and behold, there are our friends! SO COOL! (been tailgating awhile)

5:08 pm: Getting to our seats was absolutely insane. I can't believe how rowdy these people are and how loud it is just walking in. The kids behind me just offered me some ice out of a bag. What?

5:09 pm: I realize we are a hilarious distance from the actual field of play...but who cares?! IT'S NOTRE DAME!!!!!! Also we have a lot of sitting to do before the game starts. I am getting really nervous. We can't lose to this team. They are very bad. I hate realizing that there's a chance that could happen. It's awful.

6:02 pm: KICKOFF!!! It is NUTS in here!! Starting before kickoff...since about when the band came, I've been smiling uncontrollably. It's a little silly. I can't put into words how much I love college football AND Penn State AND JoePa AND seeing an entire stadium of people in white. It was...wow.

Game Notes:

1. To the girl sitting in front of me: You're wearing a fanny pack. And I know you think it's okay because it says Gucci on it but what you're failing to see is that it's still a fanny pack. A really expensive one, but you still look like an idiot. Also that boy you keep flirting with thinks you're annoying.

2. The first series had me concerned. Charlie Weis the offensive genius had The Emu just throwing these pansy dump passes right next to the line of scrimmage. We let it work for a bit then hunkered down and the defense looked incredible. I think The Emu's longest completion was 7 yards.

3. Okay. We need to talk about the offense. Now I know we're not going to win a national championship...hell, we may not even win the Big 10 (and what a dubious distinction that would be!) but there are some things I need to get off my chest. Every game we win this season will be in spite of Anthony Morelli. He is not even serviceable. He's bad. He has no touch on the ball. He makes terrible decisions and I think I am more effective reading defenses. The worst part of this is that Penn State has been able to do very well when the quarterback is average...or worse. Think back to the Miami camo game. Remember that guy's name? I seriously doubt it. BUT what that team did have was a good o-line and a good running game (and a national championship). This team has neither. I started to get excited that the running game got going later in the game until I came to a horrible realization. NOTRE DAME'S DEFENSE IS TERRIBLE! Not to mention the fact that the offensive juggernaut which Charlie Weis the offensive genius has put together was going 3 and out every time they were on the field. This was a very crappy, very tired defense. All of a sudden we're creating holes, Austin Scott doesn't look like he misses practice to smoke weed- this is awesome! And then it hit me- this is a very very bad no good terrible just go eat worms Notre Dame defense. Color me nervous for the rest of the season.

4. The stadium looked AMAZING. The only people not wearing white were the green Irish types. And even some of those fools had on white. Good job, jerks.

5. This was the first game of my last season in the student section. NOOOO! But as I sit here with tired legs and swollen ankles like some kind of old lady I am kind of relieved. Standing and yelling for 3 hours is exhausting. But...I would do it over and over again if I could.

Running Diary, Penn State-Notre Dame. Part III

Saturday, September 8

Good Morning Happy Valley and the world beyond! It's 11:14 EST and it's still pretty quiet outside. My roommates were all asleep when I woke up, one of them passed out on top of her bed in what I am assuming is the attire she donned for a "rubics cube" party last night. Everyone wears different colors on a rubics cube and throughout the night trade clothes till you're all one color. She didn't make it. Orange shirt, red silk boxers, and tie-dyed blue tube socks. Hot.*

Here is something for you to ponder as you roll out of bed, wipe the sleep from your eyes, and watch bleary images of Lee Corso screaming, "not so fast, my friend" this morning: why does Jimmy Clausen look so much like an emu (see below)? Oh-and a tool, I forgot that part.

I'm venturing downtown soon and then tailgating...it's gameday, bitches!

Also...chance of thunderstorms today...could the Whiteout scheduled turn into a wet t-shirt contest? Could the usual crazy drunk mob scene turn even crazier and mobbier and drunker and see-through?? We can only hope...

GO STATE! BEAT THE IRISH!


*I could have this Rubics Cube Party thing backwards; it's possible that she wore an outfit all the same color and her goal was to end up with different colors on. If so, mazel tov!




















Jimmy the Tool/Emu and an actual Emu. Cousins?

Running Diary, Penn State-Notre Dame. Part II

Still Friday, September 7

5:21 PM: A local radio DJ has mentioned a rumor that Regis Philbin is in State College. Warning: if Regis is here, I'm going to pee. He IS a huge Notre Dame fan, and we ARE only about 5 hours from New York City...it's possible!

5:22 PM: In an effort to hear what's happening at Paternoville (the tent city outside the student entrance gate of Beaver Stadium), my driver Jen and I turn down the radio. There are easily 200 people in at least 100 tents. Many of the students are standing by the road holding signs imploring motorists to honk; if they do not oblige, they are loudly booed. I am giggling.

5:25 PM: Lion spotting! The Nittany Lion is at the Men's Soccer game. We also just heard the Blue Band practicing. This is awesome.

8ish PM: We Are...UNDERWAY! People are going crazy and rec hall is superpacked. It's also about 100 degrees. For some reason Rally in the Valley is in the smallest and hottest venue on campus. Go figure.

8:07 PM: There's been a contest going on this week for "Penn State's Ultimate Fan" and the emcee just introduced him. He ran out trying to get the crowd excited like a real athlete would and the crowd booed him. Mean, but funny. He looks like a tool anyway. (I'm kind of a jerk when I'm hot. I mean temperature hot.)

8:11 PM: I really like Blue Sapphire, the twirler. Aside from having a hilarious name she just jumps around and twirls around and everyone cheers for her. I think she is living out every little girl's dream. Plus, during the Ohio State game my sophomore year she twirled 3 flaming batons. It changed my life.

8:15 PM: Where the hell is the football team plus JoePa? I can hear people complaining about this all around me. The Blue Band is cute until you realize that you're hot and packed in like sardines.

8:20 PM: A boy with a megaphone (so not okay) is trying to get everyone to scream wildly when he says "how is everybody doing tonight?" We're hot and pissy, thanks for asking! WHERE IS THE FOOTBALL TEAM? Here comes the Lion which is funnish because everyone starts chanting, "we want the lion!" and eventually he'll do some pretty intense one-armed pushups

8:21 PM: Prancing

8:22 PM: Skipping

8:23 PM: One-Armed Pushups!!

8:24 PM: This person has got to be HOT (hot hot).

8:25 PM: Steve Jones, the voice of the Nittany Lions! Apparently he didn't get the memo that it's only okay to look tacky if you're a Notre Dame fan. The white sport coat was a poor choice. I know it's a whiteout tomorrow but yikes.

8:26 PM: FOOTBALL TEAM! finally! The crowd awakens from their heat-induced coma and appears to be legitimately excited for the first time since the very beginning of the pep rally.

8:28 PM: JOE PATERNO! I totally got goosebumps when JoePa started talking. I love this man. When he got up the place went berserk. It was awesome. After everyone finally settled down he started talking. I had all intentions of documenting everything he said but i was totally in awe and unable to retain any of it. (Yes!). He did reaffirm why he is the classiest man in sports. He kept mentioning what a fine institution ND is and what a rich tradition they have and he also asked that we cheer on our own team and not boo theirs. Here are some highlights of what I remember.

• "I don't want us to boo the other team. But...ya know...if their quarterback is calling a play and you all want to get loud, that's fine."
• "Ya know, we had some...shenanigans...that happened off the field" (really, shenanigans? oh...you mean when we all thought that the entire starting defense was going to jail...don't we feel silly) "Let me tell a little story. When we...well, we--I mean, it really wasn't a unanimous decision--decided to clean out the stadium..."(crowd goes crazy--there are currently shirts on sale downtown that feature a garbage truck with a silouette of a football player riding on the back and say "big joe's cleaning service" on the back, and "keeping the beaver clean" on the front. Also, the "little" story he wanted to tell didn't make much sense but we all cheered a lot).
• JoePa rambled and we ate it up. He ended with this...a truly Joe Paterno moment. "Well. There's two ways to do things." (Takes off jacket, crowd goes crazy. I don't know what we thought he would do but we were excited about it) Then He turned around, motioned to the football team, and they all just left the building. So weird. So very JoePa.

I am very excited about tomorrow. JoePa said we were going to make it a very special night in Penn State football history and I believe Him. Ooh! Cool shirt sighting: someone had a shirt on that said, "They have Jesus. We have JoePa."

WE ARE! (now is when you scream at your computer, "PENN STATE!")

Running Diary, Penn State-Notre Dame. Part I

This is the first installment of a running diary of Penn State-Notre Dame weekend in Happy Valley, coming to you from our "Foxy Correspondent" on the ground in State College.

Author’s disclaimer: I know that I am not Bill Simmons, running diarist extraordinaire. I am comfortable knowing that my attempt at recording witty observations with a timestamp will only pale in comparison to his ability to make the mundane seem hilarious. Despite this, I hope that you all enjoy this attempt at chronicling what I predict will be the most emu-y and fat-joke filled weekend of my last semester at Dear Old State.

Friday, September 7

12:00 Noon: I have just stopped by The Hub on Campus, where ESPN radio is broadcasting Colin Cowherd's "The Herd" show live this morning. The crowd is very different from the screaming and yelling you get when College Gameday is on campus--this group seemed significantly interested in what Cowherd and Todd Blackledge had to say, which is in stark contrast to the Gameday crowd which would rather hold up signs that say "AJ Hawk Plays with My Little Ponies!" than listen to Lee Corso. Which makes sense, because really, Lee Corso? I'm bummed we didn't get Gameday this week, but at least I got a sweet Colin Cowherd koozie! Wooo! Also I just saw a girl wearing a shirt that says "Feed the Christians to the Lions." Point to Ponder: Is it ok for me to wear this shirt as a State fan? Or is it not ok to wear it because I'm Jewish? Which religion should I choose to affiliate with this weekend, Judaism or Paternoism?

2:00 PM: I have purchased my "Rudy Was Offsides!" t-shirt for tomorrow's game!

2:31 PM: I love fall Fridays 'cause there are already drunk alumni and an old lady with a sign around her neck that says "I need tickets."

2:40 PM: I have begun "fliering" as part of my duties as a member of the PR Committee of the Blue & White Society, which is the student chapter of the Penn State Alumni Association. We're trying to inform people about tonight's "Rally in the Valley." Shockingly, people are just as brisk and rude in dealing with you as you would expect them to be when you are trying to force an unwanted piece of paper in their faces.

Trends I noticed from the Fliering Experience:

1. There are so many people wearing Texas shirts that they couldn't possibly all really be Texas fans. As a born-and-bred Texan, this offends me. I'm not OK with people wearing Longhorn gear just because they've been successful in recent years.
2. Men who were visibly from Philly or Jersey (i.e. wearing a shirt of a team from that area) all had earrings. Every last one. Some even had both ears pierced, and unless you're Michael Jordan that's not OK.
3. Generally, Notre Dame fans seem to be terrible dressers. There were tons of these people in The Hub, which is weird. But the women, honestly, were the tackiest-dressed people I have ever seen. My favorite piece of jewelry was a diamond and emerald cross on the same chain as a gold Notre Dame helmet.
4. A couple of Notre Dame fans asked me if I was a cheerleader! That's not really a trend, but it was awesome. Especially since Penn State isn't even the Big Ten school known for ugly girls--that would be Michigan. Even so, I recognize that this never would have happened at a school in the South.