September 7, 2007

Running Diary, Penn State-Notre Dame. Part I

This is the first installment of a running diary of Penn State-Notre Dame weekend in Happy Valley, coming to you from our "Foxy Correspondent" on the ground in State College.

Author’s disclaimer: I know that I am not Bill Simmons, running diarist extraordinaire. I am comfortable knowing that my attempt at recording witty observations with a timestamp will only pale in comparison to his ability to make the mundane seem hilarious. Despite this, I hope that you all enjoy this attempt at chronicling what I predict will be the most emu-y and fat-joke filled weekend of my last semester at Dear Old State.

Friday, September 7

12:00 Noon: I have just stopped by The Hub on Campus, where ESPN radio is broadcasting Colin Cowherd's "The Herd" show live this morning. The crowd is very different from the screaming and yelling you get when College Gameday is on campus--this group seemed significantly interested in what Cowherd and Todd Blackledge had to say, which is in stark contrast to the Gameday crowd which would rather hold up signs that say "AJ Hawk Plays with My Little Ponies!" than listen to Lee Corso. Which makes sense, because really, Lee Corso? I'm bummed we didn't get Gameday this week, but at least I got a sweet Colin Cowherd koozie! Wooo! Also I just saw a girl wearing a shirt that says "Feed the Christians to the Lions." Point to Ponder: Is it ok for me to wear this shirt as a State fan? Or is it not ok to wear it because I'm Jewish? Which religion should I choose to affiliate with this weekend, Judaism or Paternoism?

2:00 PM: I have purchased my "Rudy Was Offsides!" t-shirt for tomorrow's game!

2:31 PM: I love fall Fridays 'cause there are already drunk alumni and an old lady with a sign around her neck that says "I need tickets."

2:40 PM: I have begun "fliering" as part of my duties as a member of the PR Committee of the Blue & White Society, which is the student chapter of the Penn State Alumni Association. We're trying to inform people about tonight's "Rally in the Valley." Shockingly, people are just as brisk and rude in dealing with you as you would expect them to be when you are trying to force an unwanted piece of paper in their faces.

Trends I noticed from the Fliering Experience:
  1. There are so many people wearing Texas shirts that they couldn't possibly all really be Texas fans. As a born-and-bred Texan, this offends me. I'm not OK with people wearing Longhorn gear just because they've been successful in recent years.
  2. Men who were visibly from Philly or Jersey (i.e. wearing a shirt of a team from that area) all had earrings. Every last one. Some even had both ears pierced, and unless you're Michael Jordan that's not OK.
  3. Generally, Notre Dame fans seem to be terrible dressers. There were tons of these people in The Hub, which is weird. But the women, honestly, were the tackiest-dressed people I have ever seen. My favorite piece of jewelry was a diamond and emerald cross on the same chain as a gold Notre Dame helmet.
  4. A couple of Notre Dame fans asked me if I was a cheerleader! That's not really a trend, but it was awesome. Especially since Penn State isn't even the Big Ten school known for ugly girls--that would be Michigan. Even so, I recognize that this never would have happened at a school in the South.


Anonymous said...

nice post, but
A. i am surprised that someone (i.e. jeff asher) has not exercised editorial liberties to change trend #2. doesnt reggie "your new best fried" bush have two earrings?
B. abram must be a Notre Dame fan (assuming trend #3 is true). although i dont doubt the truth of this trend or the above fact, abe did manage to leave south bend off of his list of places to seek out during the cf season. why would that be?

WAO said...

Let's approach this like an LSAT question. Yes, it's true that according to Trend 3, all Notre Dame fans are terrible dressers. However, nowhere does it state that all terrible dressers are Notre Dame fans. Thus, while I am a terrible dresser, I am not necessarily a Notre Dame fan. Therein lies the flaw in your logic.