December 28, 2007

40AS Guide to the Bowl Season, Part II

Before getting into the continuation of our bowl preview, we'd just like to say: WOW. We know that Texas' performance in last night's essentially meaningless Holiday Bowl was also, in many ways, essentially meaningless. But last year's lackluster (albeit victorious) Alamo Bowl performance set the stage for an often-frustrating 2007 season. Hopefully, this fantastic Longhorn showing against Arizona State will have an equal and opposite effect on the mood surrounding 2008.

All in all, the coaches and players are to be commended for viewing the Holiday Bowl--which has become a punch-line in sooner fans' jokes about Texas--not as a consolation prize, but as an opportunity. They took full advantage of that opportunity and showed the country, on a day when they had the complete college football spotlight all to themselves, that Texas football isn't going anywhere.

Now, on to the bowls. Today's pop culture comparisons will come exclusively from "The Simpsons." Except for one. Can YOU find the one that isn't from "The Simpsons?" We bet you can!

Champs Sports
Boston College vs. Michigan State
ESPN HD, Today
Artie Ziff: Like Artie, both of these schools have delusions of grandeur. On the surface, Artie, MSU, and BC all have everything they should need to be successful. In Artie's case, money; in the schools' cases, resources. But Artie can never attain Marge, and BC and MSU are and seem destined to remain middling football programs.

TCU vs. Houston
NFL Network, Today
Disco Stu: Mister Irrelevant as always, Disco Stu never has a plot-significant line. He is good for a laugh almost every time he speaks, but no episode would be noticeably different without him. This game, sandwiched between two others that feature teams from major conferences, will be good for some entertainment during commercials but no one will watch the end or remember who was playing in it come New Year's Day.

Maryland vs. Oregon State
ESPN HD, Today
Marshmallow Man I: He'll be patrolling the Terps' sidelines.

Meineke Car Care
UConn vs. Wake Forest
ESPN HD, Dec. 29
Grampa Simpson: Grampa always seems a little bit out of his element--what with the senility and all. These two basketball schools are out of their element playing in football bowl games as well, but in a good way.

AutoZone Liberty
UCF vs. Mississippi State
ESPN HD, Dec. 29
Troy McClure: Washed-up actor McClure is always looking for his big "comeback," which sort of comes in the form of his starring role in "Planet of the Apes: The Musical." Except that his comeback is merely a return to mediocrity and some level of credibility. On a related note: congratulations on your comeback, Mississippi State!

Valero Alamo Bowl
Penn State vs. Texas A&M
ESPN HD , Dec. 29
Rainier Wolfcastle: This thinly-veiled Schwarzenegger character, as action hero McBain, kicks ass and takes named whenever anyone pisses him off. It looks to us as if Dan Connor and the rest of the Nittany Lions might be set to do the same after this little incident no doubt angered them. Also, A&M doesn't have a real coach for this game.

PetroSun Independence Bowl
Alabama vs. Colorado
ESPN HD, Dec. 30
Lionel Hutz: Just like Springfield's top lawyer (who has studied at all the major academic institutions: Harvard, Oxford, the Luve-ra), Nick Saban swooped in with lots of promises to fix what was ailing Bama. But now, 6-6 with another Indy Bowl berth and an all-too-recent loss to UL-Monroe, the Tide will be scrapping to avoid a losing season.

1 comment:

David said...

I have been anxiously awaiting your('s?) take on Stepson-Might've-Touched-the-Football-Gate. Anxiously! Awaiting!

Oh, and also, did you hear that the Independence Bowl is being played in Vicksburg? Apparently, Alabama can't get past Monroe.