Suggestions for Pacman

Aside from sharing a nickname with possibly the greatest non-Tecmo Bowl video game ever made, Pacman Jones has not given football fans much to like about him lately. The former West Virginia Mountaineer standout and current Las Vegas "rainmaker" recently agreed to accept probation on charges related to a triple shooting in Sin City. A little known part of the deal requires Jones to perform 200 hours of community service within a year. We thought maybe he could use some help in figuring out how to fulfill that commitment.
Note: Input from jbrater was used and appreciated.

• Wash our cars. OK, so only one of us has a car because the other one lives in a place with big, fancy "public transportation." But still, if Pacman washed our one car, that would take, like, half an hour. Only 199.5 to go! The car is really dirty.
• "Make it Rain" on Atlanta. Pacman enjoyed "making it rain" so much in the Las Vegas strip club where this whole incident took place that we thought he might have the power and ability to help out the Southeastern United States with its terrible drought. Atlanta needs some drinking water, Pacman! Make it happen! We believe in his powers, we'll say 195 to go!
• Attend a Notre Dame football game, in the stands, without a bag on his head. Someone has to. 192 to go!
• Disconnect the transmitters at the Big Ten Network headquarters. Someone has to. 190 to go!
• Get rid of those damn ghosts. Those guys are always trying to eat you when you're just trying to get some tiny, yellow, dot-shaped food and the occasional piece of fruit. It's not cool. 180 to go!
• Partner with Blackwater USA to form a private contracting defense unit to protect Vince Young from the cornerback blitz. VY needs some protection back there! He's getting hit way too often. Also, his receivers suck, do something about that. 150 to go!
• Go to Buffalo and start a counseling group for people who continue to insist that the Music City Miracle was a forward pass. No explanation necessary. 130 to go!
• Start an after school program to help steer troubled kids in the right direc... wait, never mind. On second thought, best just to keep Pacman as far away from schools as possible. 130 to go!
• Write an episode of The Office for production by NBC. The funniest show on television is not going to be showing new episodes because of the selfish writers strike. It was all fun and games when it was Letterman getting cancelled, but now it has gone too far. 95 to go!
• Blog. This crap is hard, he'll see...60 to go!
• Dance-a-thon. If you thought blogging was hard, try dancing...36 to go!
• Jerry Lewis telethon. We doubt he'd be offended by anything Mr. Lewis would have to say. 14.5 to go!
• Help Mark Mangino lose weight. Seriously, he's a little big. Our worry is that KU will make it to the championship game and he won't be able to fit into the Dome. Just stay away from Mother's. o to go!

And that is how we suggest Pacman Jones should complete his 200 hours of community service. Just stay away from the kids.